office space

Who: 

Me. And strangers. But the kind of strangers that feel like friends and family without exchanging a single word.

What:

I come here to write. The atmosphere is loud and busy yet when I get in my zone, bitches better watch out. I type and type and type. Thoughts start dancing around in my head and my fingers can't keep up. I sip my coffee, crack my knuckles, and go at it again. Breaks include checking my phone (because even though it didn't vibrate, we are all guilty to hopelessly thinking we might have missed it go off), going to the bathroom (coffee, remember?), and simply taking in the conversations around me (without looking like a total ease dropper). 

Where:

Wash Perk.  I survey the room and know no one yet I feel right at home. I'm sitting on a couch in the corner with a cute boy studying for an upcoming Stats test sitting next to me, the pregnant friends are exchanging their nerves and fears about their upcoming deliveries, all while splitting a Blueberry Scone, and two older men are talking about plumbing and drywall. Oh, apparently Star Wars just slipped in to the conversation, too. 

When:

Looking for me on Saturday mornings? I'll be on the corner of Ohio and Emerson. Ok, not on the corner but by the corner. This ain't no 2013 version of Pretty Woman, people! 

How:

How do I afford this? I don't. For my birthday, my mom gave me a Gift Card for a generous amount to Wash Perk. It's tied with the Princess Di Beanie Baby for  "best present ever".

what's next then?

Being settled means being content. It means that the stars have aligned, the dots have been connected, and you have finally married Justin Timberlake and he did in fact bring sexy back. I ask you this: what's next then?

When I first moved to Denver this is how I felt. Sure, it took a couple weeks to get situated, but I found myself getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Friends were made, a job was in place, and overall, I thought that all my puzzle pieces had been matched and the picture they created was perfect. But then life happened. God unsettled my heart and made me realize a few things. It took me a while to appreciate this unsteadiness and to be honest I am still struggling with it.

The past week, my mind has been consumed with the following thoughts: What am I doing here? What is my purpose? Should I move back to MN? How do I know if I'm doing the right thing? Why does it hurt? I know what I want to do so why can't I do it? Why did I call my mom when I had a flat tire knowing entirely that she could do nothing about it being hundreds of miles away?

Yeah, that last question happened. This is the first time in my life I have had to be 100% independent. On my own, learning how to function in the real world without my mom and dad holding my hand every step of the way. I've had to find alternative ways of getting over homesickness. No more curing it by merely driving down the road and playing with my nieces and nephews; Without walking next door to my friends house with a bottle of wine under my arm; Without getting in my car and driving to the lake.

Instead of questioning every small detail, over thinking every move and word and action, I'm moving forward. Actively waiting if you will. So, I ask myself this: what's next then? 

What do you do when your life gets unsettled? Leave a comment 

what it means

Love has multiple personalities. It's a bi-polar kind of emotion that never means only one thing. When we think of love we think of hearts and happiness and a hot man being perfect and ideal in every way, every day (don't act like you don't agree with me). 

But love can suck. Just - plain - suck. It can hurt, it can make you cry, and it can make you stain your pillows with mascara. Yet it always prevails. Always. When one thing let's you down, there is always something, someone on the other side to show you a new and greater kind of a affection.

We all express love in various ways. I have friends who express it through gifts while others show their love through hilarious and inappropriate text messages. While my brothers and I never really say "I love you", they show it in-between the punches to the arm and the name calling. My mom always signs her e-mails, letters, and cards with "Love you forever" and my dad ends our phone convos with "love ya Care". 

As I look on Facebook and see the screen covered with things that make me want to punch a wall, I know that my day will come when I get breakfast in bed, last minute roses from the grocery store, and chocolate hearts in a cardboard box from Walgreens. But for today, I choose to celebrate the kinds of love that are in my life. 

Monday night I had an early birthday dinner with my friends and I was so happy that my mom could join us. We shared stories, sipped our Sangrias, and I opened and read cards and presents that left me thinking: How did I get so lucky? The love that is friendships in my life that have taught me so much. That it's ok to show love in ways that I am comfortable with. I may not be able to grace my friends with gifts but I can grace them with laughs and coffee dates and aforementioned inappropriate text messages. 

I may not have a Valentine but I do have a cup of hot coffee, a roof over my head, and hair that is working in my favor so that's pretty much the same thing, right? 

training wheels

Whether you are 25 or 85, they are still with you. They are riding "shot gun" as you follow along your path. The same path that at times is paved so smoothly, leaving you with such confidence and drive, teasing you with the illusion that you are fearless and untouched. Then comes a detour, a bump in the road that causes you to lose your balance and stride. You fall down. Scrapping your knees, bruising your hands and getting a taste of a big 'ol slice of humble pie.

We all have different training wheels. Like first dates, no two are the same. We all resort to various things to get us back on our path and keep us moving forward. Work, yoga, faith, bubble baths, family, running, friends, writing, painting, sports, reading. Whether you turn to a cup of coffee or go swing your club at the driving range, clearing your mind and putting the focus back on your story is key.

Never lose sight of the vision you have for your time here. When that vision gets blurry, put on your training wheels and ride Sally ride (yep, that happened). There are endless people and things and activities that are here to help you wipe off your glasses and make you see that your life is a wonderful thing, just waiting to be lived and played with.

Dust off your bike, put on your training wheels, buckle up your helmet, and go. 

Falling

Talk about a blogging hiatus, eh? Wow. I would say life has been busy but to be honest, it hasn't. I feel like we use that word as an excuse when things don't get done or we don't want to do them. If we are being honest, life has been (if you are part of the grammar police, close your eyes)...fanfreakingtastic. 

About a month ago I self-diagnosed myself with homesickness. I couldn't look at a picture of my family without getting a lump in my throat and the urge to pack up and call er quits was more appealing than a pair of Nikes on sale. I knew I was being irrational and that with time my mood would level out and things would be "back to normal." Guess what? The only thing I'm packing up today are Christmas decorations.

With so much catching up to do, I feel as though pictures would be much more interesting than reading my rambling words. Some call it taking the easy way out, I call it...the same thing.

Faith. 
I still smile to myself every Sunday morning when I realize my girlfriends and I take up almost a whole row at church. I also smile every Wednesday night when I host small group. I am learning more about myself with each week and am beyond blessed to be surrounded by such amazing and positive women.

Friends. 

I could go on and on...and on...about how lucky I am to have such great friends who are always behind me in everything I do. Encouraging me to follow my dreams and not judging me when a snort accidentally comes out while laughing. 

Running.

I signed up to run my 3rd Half Marathon in April so that means training is in full swing! The weather here as been insanely gorgeous. Like, 70 degrees in January? I'll take it.

Styled With Strength.

Still chasing my dream along with my girl, Carli. Not only am I doing what I love, writing, but helping others live out a healthy lifestyle through pictures and words is more rewarding than I could have imagined. 

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I guess you could say that after 5 months of being in Denver, I'm still falling for this place.

weekly-gram

a picture walk of my week: baking, red face, & One Republic

Monday afternoon was spent in the kitchen whipping up another loaf of Quinoa Banana Bread. 

Except this time it wasn't for me! 

Tuesday morning I met some friends for coffee at Stella's. If you live in Denver and haven't been, I highly recommend it!

How could I not stay there and do some writing? Sorry Starbucks, this is me cheating on you. 

My boss brought this lil guy to me on Wednesday at work (hair flip). 

Switched things up for lunch on Friday from the usual salad with chicken to a Chicken Shawarma Wrap. Holy YUM!

Saturday afternoon shopping at my favorite grocery store buying ingredients for...

Pumpkin Protein Bars (email styledwithstrength@gmail.com to get the recipe!)

My motivation to hit the gym this morning. Naturally, this is what did it. 

Red face and sweat means it was a success! 

slowing down the rush

There are things we don’t have that we will never have and then there are things we don’t have that just take time to acquire. She had what I wanted but  I knew there was no way I could make it happen. Yet.

Ambition, independence, beauty, strong friendships, a Christian faith --- she possessed all those and I craved them for my own life. I wanted to be part of a group of girls who could go out on a Friday night and sit together at church on Sunday morning. I wanted a job that challenged me and rewarded me with a raise and I wanted my hair to be long and worthy of the twirl curl just like hers. I felt jealous and angry and selfish as I wanted those things and I wanted them to show up at my doorstep that day. My mom calls it instant gratification; I call it helping the postal service stay open.

I had one of those moments at church this Sunday where my wants came full circle and suddenly made perfect and utter sense. After a weekend spent with new friends, ones that I laughed and danced and smiled with, I looked to my left and to my right, and those same friends were sitting next to me in the pew. If hearts could do somersaults, mine did fifty. I was that woman that I wanted to be 5 months prior. 

First came the sermon.

“…We need to stop continually working as machines and put humanity back in our everyday conversation. Connect with God to work with others. What’s the thing you can’t stop doing? Find what it is you love to do and make it your job.”

And then came the prayer following the sermon.

“…God, show us everyday what our calling is. What is that one thing we should be doing to help others grow and make a difference?”

Hands crossed, eyes closed. Tears started to well up as He made it clear what I was meant to do with my time here. What I saw in my head at that moment will never be erased from my memory and either will this whole episode all together. All I saw in my head were three letters:

SWS

Goosebumps shot up like weeds and an overwhelming yet calm feeling rushed through me. That was my calling. That is my calling. Writing, sharing, helping, inspiring, being there for others, that’s what I live and breathe for. High five God, you kind of-sort of rocked my face off this Sunday.

Rushing and hurrying through this one life we have leaves us feeling unaccomplished and empty if we really slow down and ponder it. We have these grand visions of all the things we want and if they aren’t in arms reach, we feel like a failure. You may not have your ideal job or that close knit group of friends. You may still be listening for your calling or wondering when your relationship with God will starting forming. Beautiful dreams aren’t crafted over night. Life is a journey, a winding path-rocky road-detour filled road trip. Keep working towards your aspirations because one day you will look back and realize that they have all come true. 

Thank you:

To Carli for being the woman that I looked up to without barely even knowing you. Thank you for joining me on this crazy awesome adventure that we call Styled With Strength. You are helping me live out my dream and are the best co-worker to date. You have made me a better writer, thinker, do-er, and most importantly, a better person. I don’t know if the fact that we talk more than most people in relationships do is sad or cute, but I don’t hate it.

 To my Arizona girls for adopting me and showing me that new friendships are never far away. Through our coffee dates, walks around the park, talks before bed, hanging around the kitchen sipping wine, and everything else we have done in the two short weeks I have known you, I am continually blessed and thankful for each and every one of you (even if you make me say “bag” and “roof” purely for your entertainment).