Saturday, February 23, 2013

office space


Me. And strangers. But the kind of strangers that feel like friends and family without exchanging a single word.


I come here to write. The atmosphere is loud and busy yet when I get in my zone, bitches better watch out. I type and type and type. Thoughts start dancing around in my head and my fingers can't keep up. I sip my coffee, crack my knuckles, and go at it again. Breaks include checking my phone (because even though it didn't vibrate, we are all guilty to hopelessly thinking we might have missed it go off), going to the bathroom (coffee, remember?), and simply taking in the conversations around me (without looking like a total ease dropper). 


Wash Perk.  I survey the room and know no one yet I feel right at home. I'm sitting on a couch in the corner with a cute boy studying for an upcoming Stats test sitting next to me, the pregnant friends are exchanging their nerves and fears about their upcoming deliveries, all while splitting a Blueberry Scone, and two older men are talking about plumbing and drywall. Oh, apparently Star Wars just slipped in to the conversation, too. 


Looking for me on Saturday mornings? I'll be on the corner of Ohio and Emerson. Ok, not on the corner but by the corner. This ain't no 2013 version of Pretty Woman, people! 


How do I afford this? I don't. For my birthday, my mom gave me a Gift Card for a generous amount to Wash Perk. It's tied with the Princess Di Beanie Baby for  "best present ever".

Thursday, February 21, 2013

what's next then?

Being settled means being content. It means that the stars have aligned, the dots have been connected, and you have finally married Justin Timberlake and he did in fact bring sexy back. I ask you this: what's next then?

When I first moved to Denver this is how I felt. Sure, it took a couple weeks to get situated, but I found myself getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Friends were made, a job was in place, and overall, I thought that all my puzzle pieces had been matched and the picture they created was perfect. But then life happened. God unsettled my heart and made me realize a few things. It took me a while to appreciate this unsteadiness and to be honest I am still struggling with it.

The past week, my mind has been consumed with the following thoughts: What am I doing here? What is my purpose? Should I move back to MN? How do I know if I'm doing the right thing? Why does it hurt? I know what I want to do so why can't I do it? Why did I call my mom when I had a flat tire knowing entirely that she could do nothing about it being hundreds of miles away?

Yeah, that last question happened. This is the first time in my life I have had to be 100% independent. On my own, learning how to function in the real world without my mom and dad holding my hand every step of the way. I've had to find alternative ways of getting over homesickness. No more curing it by merely driving down the road and playing with my nieces and nephews; Without walking next door to my friends house with a bottle of wine under my arm; Without getting in my car and driving to the lake.

Instead of questioning every small detail, over thinking every move and word and action, I'm moving forward. Actively waiting if you will. So, I ask myself this: what's next then? 

What do you do when your life gets unsettled? Leave a comment 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

what it means

Love has multiple personalities. It's a bi-polar kind of emotion that never means only one thing. When we think of love we think of hearts and happiness and a hot man being perfect and ideal in every way, every day (don't act like you don't agree with me). 

But love can suck. Just - plain - suck. It can hurt, it can make you cry, and it can make you stain your pillows with mascara. Yet it always prevails. Always. When one thing let's you down, there is always something, someone on the other side to show you a new and greater kind of a affection.

We all express love in various ways. I have friends who express it through gifts while others show their love through hilarious and inappropriate text messages. While my brothers and I never really say "I love you", they show it in-between the punches to the arm and the name calling. My mom always signs her e-mails, letters, and cards with "Love you forever" and my dad ends our phone convos with "love ya Care"

As I look on Facebook and see the screen covered with things that make me want to punch a wall, I know that my day will come when I get breakfast in bed, last minute roses from the grocery store, and chocolate hearts in a cardboard box from Walgreens. But for today, I choose to celebrate the kinds of love that are in my life. 

Monday night I had an early birthday dinner with my friends and I was so happy that my mom could join us. We shared stories, sipped our Sangrias, and I opened and read cards and presents that left me thinking: How did I get so lucky? The love that is friendships in my life that have taught me so much. That it's ok to show love in ways that I am comfortable with. I may not be able to grace my friends with gifts but I can grace them with laughs and coffee dates and aforementioned inappropriate text messages. 

I may not have a Valentine but I do have a cup of hot coffee, a roof over my head, and hair that is working in my favor so that's pretty much the same thing, right?