Where Do You Belong?

We were gathered around the kitchen counter in a house with Pottery Barn written all over it. Hanging rustic chandeliers, dark wood floors and off white couches with metal lamps nestled next to them. I felt comfortable, sipping my glass of white wine and leaning on the kitchen counter, talking and listening and soaking in the friendship moments that were happening.

It had been a hard day. Between the gloomy weather and the job hunting that was and is continually leaving me frustrated, I felt defeated. I needed to vent and laugh and be reassured that I'm where I need to be and all things will work out.

The longer we talked the more at ease I felt about things. I knew I was being irrational when I said I wanted to pack up and go home because it's a phase, one that I get stuck in every once in a while. Don't we all, though? We collapse when things aren't how we want them, instantly looking for the quickest way out even if it leaves us feeling regretful and unhappy.

I left that night feeling blessed for friendships and an even deeper love for white wine. It was nearly midnight but my mind was running and I had blogs that needed to be read. I ended up on Facebook, surprise surprise, and caught myself reading wall posts from years past. Then something happened that left me with goosebumps, a feeling of complete reassurance and a sign that I'm exactly where I belong.

So maybe it is just a silly little Facebook quiz and maybe it means nothing, but I'm just going to ignore all that. Times may be unsettling and family may be extremely missed, but I'm going to ride out this wave with a smile on my face and great anticipation for all things ahead. 

The past week has taught me to look for teachable moments in unlikeable moments. Each day can't be borderline perfect but my attitude and outlook can make it close to that. I have learned to surround myself with others that will pick me up, breaking my moody streak and knowing exactly how much whip cream to put on my strawberries.

Sunday Run-day

The plan was to do a workout at Red Rocks with friends this morning but when I awoke to rain and a text saying we were no longer going, I turned off my alarm and enjoyed a slow and steady morning. Still sleepy and half out of it, I somehow managed to make a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of coffee, all while trying to not wake the rest of the house. Takes talent, people.

I signed up for my 4th Half Marathon about a month ago and realized that I should probably start training for it. I've taken a bit of a hiatus from running and have been focusing more on lifting and mainly just giving my left knee a break.

With the temp around 70 degrees and a cloudy sky above, I decided to hit the park for a run. I was curious to see how far I could go and better yet, how far my knee would allow me to go. I'm 24 and have knee problems so that's really fun and gives me hope of surgery free years ahead.....sigh.....

Finished at 8 miles to round out my Sunday Run-day. Miles 1-3 felt like they were taking forever, miles 3-6 went by in a snap, and miles 6-8 I merely wanted to stop 1209381092 times. The joys of running and your mind playing tricks on you! 

Windex, Anyone?

When my camera is in hand, my eyes search for the dirtier things in life like tree trunks and overgrown grass, fences with chipped paint and bicycles whose pedals have been vacant for years.  I crouch down, capturing the way the vines twist and turn and how a single yellow flower amongst a bed of weeds is somehow strikingly rare and beautiful.

But then my camera is set back in it's case and my eyes are focused on the dirtier things in my life.  The questions, worries, uncertainties, fears, all of it begins and the search for the end is no where in my line of vision.  I realize that as much as these things are messy, it is only I who can clean them up.  No outside lens can capture the things I want and hope for myself.  Only me.  So I wake up each morning, determined to make the day great, and I go to bed each night, praying for trust and some Windex to help make my journey a little more clear. 

Ordinary Moments

You don't have to spend your days searching for extraordinary things in ordinary moments. 

It's the simple notion of opening your eyes to the colors and simplicity of where you are. 

How the sand compliments the water...

...and the water reflects the sunset. 

It's spending all day in the sun with your best friends, finding extreme pleasure in jumping off the boat and belting out tunes and throwing your hands in the air because life is good. 

The way your family gets closer when you sit around a campfire and how you wish talking to your mom on the beach would never end because, let's face it, mom's really do know best. 

It's being back in a place where being yourself is enough.  It's letting go of the stress of reality and giving in to the extraordinary things in ordinary moments. 

Winding Up to Wind Back Down

I may no longer live in Minnesota but can I just let out a big ol UFF-DA?

UFF DAAAAAAAAA

 The last month has felt like a blur, but one that has been full of many changes sprinkled with laughs and familiar faces. I started a second job, moved into a house, had a weekend visitor, flew home to surprise my mom and flew to San Diego for our family reunion.

All this coming and going, packing and unpacking, has made me feel worn out yet overwhelmingly grateful and fortunate. I've been able to clink glasses with the best of the best, reminicing on past memories while in that moment making new ones. I have given hugs to the people I wish were geographically closer to me and belted out tunes in the car while the summer sun beats down on my left arm.

I have felt like the Energizer Bunny with no energy for the past 30 days but busy means I am living.

Will you join me?

Dance when your feet hurt because music is contagious and pick up extra shifts at work to pay off that last minute Vegas trip you booked. Add another scoop of ice cream to your cone because you are never going to look back and wish you hadn't. Brush up on your manners and make a difference in the world every single day.

Winding up to wind back down is a wave that I will continue to ride. A lack of sleep is tiring but that's why they invented triple shot Lattes and Melatonin to ignite your REM cycle.

Lessons

In my 24 years of life, you have taught me many things. 

Like how to curl my hair and the heartache that boys can bring. 

You showed me how to be a lady in the midst of 3 messy brothers, 

and through your ways of loving us, you showed me how to be a mother. 

The kind that's soft and comforting and gentle, 

and the kind that listens and is never judgmental. 

When I have kids that call you Grandma, please remember this. 

My mom you will always be - no and's, but's, or if's! 

Happy Mother's Day Mom! Love - You - Forever!

Stripping Down

I was picking apples out at the grocery store when an older woman told me I have beautiful hair. I smiled, said thank you, and bit my tongue before telling her that I hadn't showered for the day. I continued on, weaving my cart in and out of the zoo that takes place while shopping on a Saturday morning.

Not only was my hair unwashed and makeup left at home, my outfit looked like a walking scrapbook - flip flops from high school, soccer shorts from junior high, and t-shirt from a race I ran in college. 

Some people would never leave the house without their hair curled and MAC makeup on, while I'm all out and about looking like...me. 

No one is 100% accepting of their body and image. We all have things we wish we could change but some of those things are just who we are. The things you might hate about yourself are the things that others wish they had. Hate your curly hair? The girl with straight hair would switch with you in a flash. 

Being envious of others is natural but it's a beautiful thing to be able to say you are content with who you are. It's a challenge but one I think every person, male or female, should take up. On the flip side - give compliments. The world needs to hear more positive words being spoken by the people that grace it. 

Accept yourself. Love what you have and work with it. Dress up when you want to but know when to tone it down. Give your skin and hair a break once in a while. Throw on sneakers instead of flats. Put your hair in pony. Wear a sweatshirt that is 3 sizes too big. 

But always, always, always...wear deodorant.