Sunday, June 17, 2012


I have always been indecisive. Do we eat here or there? What are you wearing to the game? Should I wear my hair up or down? In all these questions, in a sense, I'm asking others to plan my life for me. I'm a game piece and someone else is moving me through the game board.

I've struggled with this concept of really thinking about what I want, what I need, what I feel will make me most comfortable. I have always been one to be what some would say a "people pleaser". Doing things that won't necessarily make me happy but will make others lives easier.

If you would ask me what is one word to describe my current days, it would be stuck. Stuck in translation, stuck with relationships, stuck at home, stuck with friendships, stuck with my feelings. I know what I need to do, yet I am stuck in a phase where I resort back to what I know is my "comfort zone". A place where I color inside the lines and don't stray too far away from the ordinary (although I did order salmon last night at dinner, a 1st for me).

Whether it be moving away or moving on, I am terrified of all these new beginnings that are about to take place. How do I know if this is good? How do I know if this is how my book is suppose to be written?

I had an ah-ha moment today at church. A moment where I realized I need to start & end with ME. Do things for ME, make decisions based on MY happiness, go where I want to go. I have been surprised (& at times disappointed) by most peoples reactions when I tell them I'm moving to Denver. I have heard these lines multiple times:

You are going to get homesick.

Aren't you going to be lonely?

Do you honestly think this is a good idea?

Why move away when there are job opportunities here?

You are going to miss out on this & this & this.

My response to these?

I went to college out of town. There are things called planes, trains, & automobiles that get you from one place to another. For example, Denver to Moorhead, Moorhead to Denver.

Lonely? You know, there are boys, girls, men, & woman that also live in Denver. Crazy!

Good idea? I think it's a great idea & I am beyond thrilled for this next chapter in my life.

Opportunities are everywhere.

I am going to miss out on that & that & that while I am doing this & this & this.


While horseback riding through the Rocky Mountains, I closed my eyes & took it all in. The smell, the fresh air, the slight breeze on my skin. As I re-opened them, I felt reassurance that this place, this state is where I'm suppose to be. I know that deep down there is a reason I am "gravitating" towards those mountains & blue skies.

I look at my current stance as a challenge. One that will challenge ME. Within the last month, I have discovered a new sense of independence that I have been wanting & waiting for. A sort of "screw you" attitude, I'm doing what I want to do [insert finger snap in a z formation] (I put that nicely, didn't I?).

Readers, I challenge you to do something out of your comfort zone. I'm not saying pack up your house & move across the country (although a roommate would be nice...). Start with little changes like:

Not a runner? Sign up for a 5K.
Not a cook? Make 3 new meals this week.
Want to make a career change? Start looking at your options.
Looking to make more friends? Join a book club.
Want to lose weight? Get a gym membership & set weekly goals.

YOU just do YOU, & I do ME.

No comments:

Post a Comment