Tuesday, October 2, 2012

being found

The house was nestled in a cul-de-sac & was the one that I came home to the day I was born. I lived in that pale yellow house for 16 years. In those years, I found my fair share of hiding places. Both under the roof & out beneath the trees. When you play hide & seek, you have this giddiness that comes over you & that I'm going to pee my pants I'm so nervous feeling. Your heart starts racing & you long to defeat the seeker, yet you are always found. 

On the weekends my brothers would come home from college, I would hide on those Sundays. I was hiding from the fact that I didn't want them to leave. I figured that hiding from them would somehow make their car not start. Their tires not turn. Yet every time, I was found. Reflecting back, I realize that's what I always wanted. I wanted to be found because it meant that I got more time with them to say goodbye. More time to pretend that I was their strong little sister who didn't care that they were leaving. No, I didn't care that we were all growing up & that one day we were not going to all live under the same roof of that pale yellow house. 

As you grow older, you often don't notice when the game has started. You long to hide in your safe place because you don't want the reality of life to find you. The reality of bills, pressures, homework, relationships, work, routines. 

We hide behind our intellect.  
We hide behind our responsibilities.
We hide behind our comfort zones. 
We hide behind our siblings. 
We hide behind our personalities.

We listen to the voices that tell us what we should be, instead of tuning in & listening to who we are

We are made up of multiple layers. The first layer being what we are on the outside. Skin. You can put as much makeup as you want on it, but it all stops there. Pretty, sparkly makeup does not seep through your skin & in to your heart. Emily Freeman, author of Graceful, said it so well:

"Dead people have all that stuff too. There's something else that makes you alive".

 So you keep digging deeper. You run in to those things that remind you of where you come from. You discover that you have your dads sense of humor. You enjoy making friends just as much as you enjoy seeing your current friendships grow. You worry about things that one should simply not worry about. You think about the future & have a panic attack. You know that 2 scoops of ice cream is always going to be better than 1. 

You keep going & arrive at the layer that makes you understand yourself. You see why you are you & no one else. You see what motivates you. What your fears & dreams are. What scares & excites you. You are reminded why you are YOU & not a spinning image of the person next to you. 

Think to yourself & consider the ways you have been hiding & why you are hiding. We all know that the best part about hiding is being found. So seek out the ones who are hiding & let them be found. 

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