Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Confessions of a Serial Dater


Refer to yourself as the state in which you are from.
"Sup? My name is Kevin but you can just call me Utah"

Talk about future dates when you've been with the person no more than eight minutes. 
"You've never been snowboarding?  You will love it once I teach you how to ride"

Successfully suck at not taking hints that the other person is clearly not interested.  

Find your beer goggles after two drinks.

Attempt to tie a knot with your cherry stem...and fail. 

Wear a faux letterman's jacket.
"Just to clarify, you aren't still in high school are you?"

Tell your date all the creeping you did prior to meeting them.  They don't need to know you have their life somewhat pegged out based on your Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. 

Pretend to be best friends with the workers and talk to them like a complete tool and a half. 
"Thanks bro, you boss man!"

Consume the conversation with "me, me, me" unless you want to kiss your chances of a second date out the door. 

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